Surf Ninjas

Released in 1993 for the Sega Game Gear by Sega of America, Inc. and developed by NuFX, Inc., Surf Ninjas is a 2D beat 'em up based upon the 1993 film of the same name.

Surf Ninjas is on a very short list of movies where the actual video game tie-in for the movie is a major plot point IN THE MOVIE. The movie itself is not great, though it does offer a nice dose of gleefully stupid early 90's aesthetics...and at least the movie is better than the video game.

 

Crazy, right?

I loved my Game Gear, despite the fact that the batteries ran out faster than a plate of bagel bites, the library was piss-poor, and the system itself was built so poorly, essentially every console that's still operating has had to have its parts replaced. Admittedly, I probably loved the TV-tuner accessory more than any of the games I owned, but none of the games I owned were as bad as Surf Ninjas. Yes, I'm ending the second paragraph the same way I did the first.

 

On the bright side, the video game version of Leslie Nielsen's character is slightly less annoying than the movie version.

The graphics aren't the problem. The game looks simplistic, but fine. The colors are fairly bright, the models and animation are rudimentary, but acceptable, and the minimalistic cutscenes conjure the goofy vibe of the film. The music certainly isn't the problem, and is, in fact, Surf Ninja's greatest asset. I'm not saying this entire soundtrack is a classic, but there are a couple tracks here that are certified bangers. However, every time you throw a punch or a kick, the music freezes for a second. Lame. As for sound effects...they're here. The production values are fine. It's the gameplay that stinks.

 

Yes, believe it or not, Surf Ninjas for the Game Gear is not great

Surf Ninjas the movie is dumb, but at least a little fun. This game is dumb and not much fun at all. The controls are simplistic and sluggish. You play as a kid ninja, moving through sparsely designed 2D environments, fighting a minimal amount of minimal AI evil ninjas. When you come across a foe, you can punch and kick or throw a limited amount of projectiles at them, though your choice makes little difference. Just mash buttons and hope for the best. There's a boss at the end of each short level, and boss fight strategy pretty much involves doing what I just said in the previous sentence, but for a longer period of time. As the game goes along, it begins to throw more platforming challenges at the player, mostly involving jumps over spike-lined pits. To succeed, you have to utilize a faulty double-jump mechanic, while praying a stupid invisible bird doesn't fly into the screen the moment you decide to try to jump. As least you get to wear a cool headband.

 

Whatup, bird? I hate you.

The game also includes stat bars and interchangeable weapons and an assist option, but who cares, they don't make it any more enjoyable. If you want to play a great Game Gear game, you have limited options, but you certainly have better options than Surf Ninjas. It's just not fun. It's simplistic, poorly executed, and boring. Surf's not up, dude. Red flag out today.

 

Go ahead and kick me. Just put me out of my misery so I can play something else!

Graphics: 6.0/10.0
Sound: 6.5/10.0
Gameplay: 2.0/10.0
Lasting Value: 2.0/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 3.5/10.0